Self-daylight

Religion taught me to focus on my faults
and ignore everything good about me.

And yeah, self awareness matters.
Breaking patterns matters.

But there’s a point where it stops being growth
and starts becoming self surveillance.

Constantly scanning for what’s wrong.
Zooming in on every fracture.
Punishing yourself for things no one else even notices.

That’s not growth.
That’s a loop.

What’s strange is
if I stepped outside my body
and looked at my life from the outside

I would probably speak about myself
with more kindness
than I do while living inside it.

I think about my own eulogy sometimes.

What would people actually remember?
Would they even notice the things I punish myself for?

And if I could give that eulogy myself
right now
while I’m still alive

would I finally say something honest
about the good in me?

Because shame has this voice that says
“be careful, that sounds like narcissism.”

But I can say those same things about other people
without hesitation.

I can see their effort.
Their heart.
Their growth.

So why does it feel wrong
to see it in myself?